Make me Numb..

Today is one of the longest days, it was a journey through a long dark tunnel.
Am so depressed and almost delusional and i have being that way since a time i can't remember.
I became a blogger because this blog is one part of the world and my existence that doesn't judge me i can go yada yada on my blog.
I want to leave a mark behind and affect lives so i blog

I hardly sleep at night and these days i do not want to wake up, i wish i had more hours of night because the day scares me and the night is soothing and protective of me.

I talk so much and laugh so much sometimes people doubt if i hurt, i hurt and am squashed inside and the only help i want is numbness.

Can you make all these go away,or can i wake up and be okay.
I am a huge evangelist of survival but am amazingly the weakest of creations.A friend of mine doesnt quite agree.
I wish i can begin to tell you how i wish that my life was different.I once heard that intellect and success is a burden but i have never believed that. You know i thought if i made more friends i would be fine but alone is a better friend. When the night comes i crawl up at the center of the bed which was my idea of creating prescence on the bed but now i have returned to a corner so am aware am alone.

Maybe, am in the wrong place or with the wrong crowd or maybe i have got my entire life wrong wow that's scary what would i do if that is true.

People who know me find it hard to believe am shy or scared of anything, the truth is am very shy and conscious of a lot of things but it will surprise you to know that eyes are what i find interesting in every human even if i cannot really look at anybody's eyes when am talking.I will do alot if you told me you were watching, i am most afraid of things and people than of happenings. Elevators scare me and i hate to prove a point really because i am not a big fan of baseless competition, i do not plan to conquer the world.

Today's post will bore you because it is so much of me and about me.

I want the numbness so i do not have to feel the shackles that bills have put around my feet, so i do not have to feel that my heart is bleeding and the other part of the bed is cold.
Make me numb because i have to live through these experiences and come out purified and sharpened to take my place among the stars.
Make me numb so i do not have to feel the stings of the tongues of my nasty judgemental friends.
Make me numb so i do not have to feel the chills of all this, so i do not have to take pills or count sheep to fall asleep.

Pour upon me a heavy dose of atmosphere and make see that God is there and has me in the hollow of his hands..

Make me numb