Love in Absentia

In the course of my budding career, I have met all sorts of men & women with many worries and desires. I have in this time learnt that our needs as human are very complicated even to us the needy,sad to say these needs may never be met.As our careers and dreams take shape, our needs grow and our problems deepen,creating a balance within the imbalance then becomes a primary need. The need for love,sex,acceptance,security,freedom,companionship however remain almost constant. At this point we often almost forget that our lives will not be like this forever.In relationships, we begin to seek mates who will fit into our current life style or pattern;in 10years am not sure what our needs would be. If we were machines I would say let's pick mates to suit our changing life patterns but who says we cannot? If we can deal with the demands why not. The demands of a fast paced and budding career is weighty, at this stage we make mistakes that appear light but they are indeed our gravest mistakes. Unfortunately, am not one who is open to explanations for my absence or why I can't be that sort of woman. Amidst the chaos, the web and automated living have become a fancy. I have over time in between failed relationships re-evaluated what I wanted from a relationship. Some men in my past I do not remember the details of whatever we had that was intimate, for the ones that meant more, I must have loved them in the chaos but I guess am a better friend and a demanding lover-so we never dated. As a matter of principle sex should never get in the way of love, business or war. Sex is great with a good mate, if the feeling is mutual there will be fire works. Now, this is the part where I get irritated. I do not believe in the quick lay for sex sake..the only reason I will have sex once is if it was bad or if I find out am loving the dude. My friends think am crazy when I say " love by correspondence" or "marriage in absentia" because I plan to retire before my prime it means my life will be fast paced till then because even if a man writes me into his will his whole family will not let me be,until when will I even get this wealth. Then again I want to grow old with the man I love so before the will is read I will be grey. In my deepest conciousness I wish I had a civil union as opposed to marriage, live together unmarried and be great partners, a companion for all time. I can't stand a lying husband and a broken marriage I must say and I can't hope against odds that he won't cheat or I won't get up and disappear. Till such a time when love finds me it will be with my soul mate a man like me the one who would love me absentia, such a man who would cherish, simple things, such a man who would live inside my blackberry, love dinner or breakfast because that's what we may ever have, the one without a time table for sex or mood swings, the one that will sit calm and laugh silently as I tear down the roof because am angry, the one that will not start a phone talk with "where are you"..the man that will love my hustle and my need to have my own bread and not say am competing or being a man because you are still taking me to Taj Mahal no matter how much bread I have..